we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
