Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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