i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
