I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
