the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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