too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
