Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
