The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
