if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize