the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Every concussion has its silver lining
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
