It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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