have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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