you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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