No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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