i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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