I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
