If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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