Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
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What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
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Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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