You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
