I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
