I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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