My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
