i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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