You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
