A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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