Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
