You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
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Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
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If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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