i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
