Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize