this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize