You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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