i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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