God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize