He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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