when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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