I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
