I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
