my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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