Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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