Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
