I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
