I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
