Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
