I think my fart just growled at me.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You've changed since you got that strap on
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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