have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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