Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
