They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
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the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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