I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
did i just pee glitter
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
