my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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