Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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