Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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