Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
