dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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