bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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