how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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