Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
