Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
