so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
