yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
